


Fall Away

by freewillhurts



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angry Sex, Angst, Eggsy falls into the habit of smoking, Eggsy gets kind of dark, Eggsy gets really good at it after Harry "dies", Fix-It, Harry Lives, Harry fixes that though, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Might be changed to explicit, Oral Sex, Slow Burn, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, fluff here and there, later on though, torture specialty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-29 16:28:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5134667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freewillhurts/pseuds/freewillhurts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You fuckin’ wot?” Nah, the Branded hardly ever found their match. Honestly, there were about 8 billion people on the damn planet. Even then, the two would have to be born in the same lifespan. Not exactly great chances. </p><p>Or the one where Eggsy gets to have a matching “tattoo” with Harry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Don't Wanna Fall Away

Eggsy found out about soulbrands when his hip decided to start burning like a bitch at age six. He fainted off his chair at his daycare. His mother had been frantic; his father was gone on one of his work travel things.

“Oh, darling,” Michelle crooned, cradling Eggsy to her chest as he hiccupped, tears streaming from his eyes, “Baby, I know, I know… It hurts. But look-” his mother lifted his shirt, brushing her thumb ever-so lightly over the startling blood-red mark on his hip. It was a letter, “K”, encircled by what looked like an oval. Eggsy stared at it in confusion, wiping his face. “It’s your mark, my love. It’s means you have someone out there that you’re destined to be with…”

Eggsy didn’t notice the flash of sadness in his mother’s eyes while he grimaced at the mention of any kind of “romance”. He knew about the nasty googly eyes his father and mother gave each other. He would have no part in that. 

As Michelle watched her son poke curiously at his brand, she felt happy for him, of course, but she knew of the waiting and heartbreak he’d go through because of that mark. It was a blessing and a curse. A curse, for most.

~o0o~

Eggsy groaned softly as he heard wails, barely muted by the thin walls in the house. Pushing his face into his pillow, he willed the infant that was the source of their ear-piercing screams to quiet down. After a few moments, he heard a loud bang on his wall and rolled his eyes and huffed out a breath, dragging himself out of bed. He pulled on a pair of holey, faded jeans and walked out of his room, not bothering with a shirt. He made his way to Daisy’s crib, which was in a corner of their lounge. He picked the wailing girl up and swayed, murmuring softly to her. She wasn’t quite at the stage of actually saying words, but she did make specific sounds for things she knew. Eggsy, for example, was simply “Gy”. Not the most flattering, but it worked. 

Eggsy made his way to the kitchen, humming a nursery rhyme to Daisy as he fixed up her formula with one hand. He’d gotten quite used to this, seeing as he was usually the one to take care of his sister. Not so long ago, he’d hated the thing that grew in his mother, simply because it came from Dean. But the moment he set eyes on the girl, he was sold. And so, here he was, the primary, unofficial, caregiver of his sister. Not that he minded, Daisy always calmed him. Especially on bad days, when he did something to upset Dean.

Eggsy handed the bottle to Daisy, who went straight for it, and his hand lowered to his hip, his jaw clenching as his fingers brushed over scar tissue. It had only been a year since Dean seared his brand off with a cigarette.

_“Think you got’a chance, do ya boy?” Dean snarled as Rotty and a couple of his other lackeys held him pinned to the alley wall, “Think you can get away with tha’ mark o’ yours?”_

 _Eggsy yelled. He thrashed, bit, scratched everything he could. He couldn’t do anything about the cigarette Dean plucked from Rotty’s lips and pressed to his skin, once, twice, three times, each burning press longer than the last. Agony seared through Eggsy, tears running down his face from anger, pain, feeling violated. Dean had stolen from Eggsy. He’d stolen his hope, or at least the symbol of it. In retaliation, Eggsy’s knee made contact with Dean’s nose, effectively breaking it. He’d gotten one of the worst beatings after that._

Eggsy pressed his lips together in a thin line, feeling his anger which had become so familiar. He used to fear Dean, but really, there was nothing left for him to lose. Well, there was Daisy, but no matter what Dean did, Daisy was Eggsy’s. 

Eggsy smiled down at his sister, grabbing the bottle from her and putting it in the sink, then walked over to the couch and put on some of her cartoons. He let himself relax back into the couch, Daisy on his lap, a comforting weight. It was a half hour before Dean made his appearance. 

“You got’a job today, boy,” he growled, going to the kitchen to grab a beer, “You best be getting ready.” Eggsy glared at Dean, but made no sound. He just got up, put Daisy in her crib, pulling it out a little so she could still see the TV. 

He then made his way to his room, dread making his stomach heavy. A few years ago, Dean thought that Eggsy living in the house for free would stop. So, the boy had a choice of either making drops for Dean, or getting the hell out. Since he had nowhere to go, and he had been to young to do anything, Eggsy stayed. The job was easy for a year, get the package, go to the meeting, hang out with the buyers for a bit, give them what they bought, and leave. Eggsy’s duties became more numerous after a while, and Dean was now practically whoring him out to his clients. For pretty much all of his jobs, Eggsy wore tight jeans that rode low on his hips, a fitted black t-shirt and his gold and black sweater, all courtesy of his stepfather.

When he was dressed, Eggsy grabbed his mother’s foundation powder and covered the remnants of his soulbrand, in case the client got handsy, which was very probable. The people he dealt with didn’t really like it when they saw that he used to have a brand.

Eggsy made his way out and over to Dean, his arms crossed and his expression bored. “Where’s the drop, then?” he asked, waiting for Dean to look away from the TV. “Rotty’s goin’ with you. He’ll be drivin’.”

Eggsy barely contained his retort and nodded tersely, walking out the door. He could see Dean’s favorite minion waiting in his car. Eggsy got in, his arms crossed again. He stared forward, not acknowledging Rotty’s presence. “Oi, no need to be cold, Eggsy. After all, I am drivin’ you ‘round. You should be showin’ me some gratitude…” Eggsy snorted, and looked out the window. “Arite, well, you’ll be lookin’ for four posh men, all of ‘em ‘round their late 30’s. They paid for ten packets, so make it good, yeah?” Eggsy’s eyebrows raised, but he nodded. It was always the fancy, quiet ones who you had to look out for. They never did what you expected.

They pulled up to a strange little bar Eggsy had never seen. He grabbed the saddle bag from the back seat and got out, taking a moment to get himself in the right character before sauntering in. He spotted the men immediately and sauntered over to them, a lazy smirk on his lip, letting his hips sway for good measure. It took a moment for one of the men in suits to notice him, but when one did, they all zeroed in on him. 

“’ello, gentlemen,” he drawled as he pulled up a chair, grinning at them, “Name’s Eggsy.” They all eyed him, some more subtly than others, before one of them offered to get him a drink. “Aw, nah, that’s alright, luv, I gotta run, but I got a few minutes to spare…” They chatted for a bit, Eggsy smiling coyly when he felt a hand on his leg. He passed them their packets when he was shaking the hands and hugged each of them, tucking the little squares in their pockets. He was just about to turn away when he felt fingers in his own pocket, holding him back. He looked up at the man who the hand belonged to and raised an eyebrow, smirking, ignoring the sick feeling in his gut. “For your wonderful company,” the man murmured, pushing his fingers deeper in the pocket, “And maybe for the next time we meet, hmm?” Eggsy batted his eyes and brushed his lips over the man’s jaw. “I’ll see you then,” he hummed before making his escape.

He got to Rotty’s car without throwing up, so Eggsy counted that as a win. He threw the bag in the back seat and slumped in the front, ignoring Rotty’s smirk. “Saw your little show, Eggsy,” God, did his voice have to sound so slimy? It sent cold shivers down Eggsy’s spine. “Maybe you’ll display yourself like that for me sometime.”

Eggsy sat straight, glaring at the other boy. “Not fuckin’ likely, you bloody arsehole,” he growled, getting out of the car and setting off, ignoring Rotty’s calls behind him. He walked and walked until he saw something familiar, which eventually led him to a park he liked to take Daisy sometimes. He sat on a bench trying to relax as he watched some kids and their mothers move about in the run-down play set. He needed to be cool by the time he got home, or Dean would sniff out that rage right away. He leaned his head back, closing his eyes and forcing his breathing to be regular. 

He stayed this way for a few moments before he heard a voice next to him. “Bad day, then?” Eggsy’s eyes snapped open, seeing that the person speaking was a posh man, not one from the bar earlier. Maybe in his late forties, rather overdressed in a fitted suit, not that Eggsy minded at all; it hugged the man’s assets quite well, giving hints of what could be hard muscle underneath. Still, Eggsy couldn’t help but bristle, expecting the worst. “’M fine, mate. No need to worry,” he muttered, looking back to the children playing. He hoped the damn man would get the hint and bugger off. 

Clearly he hadn’t, seeing as he sat next to Eggsy on the bench. Eggsy rolled his eyes and slumped in his seat. “I was trying not to be rude, but what I meant was piss off,” Eggsy snapped, glaring at the man. It didn’t help his annoyance when the man smiled. “It is a public park, so I think I will stay. Harry Hart.”

“Cool for you, mate,” he muttered, getting to his feet before stopping a second to look back at the man, his brows knitting together as he eyed the man, his name ringing bells in the back of his mind. Harry smiled pleasantly at Eggsy. He knew him… Did he? He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but there was… something familiar about Harry. He shook it off and stalked away, not glancing back. He needed to get back to the house before Dean flipped out anyways.


	2. I Need a Fix, 'Cause I'm Going Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um... So, I realized when I finished this that it was super sad? And angsty... Just for those who aren't really into the whole almost-rape, I'm really sorry. Uuuh, I promise that it gets better though! Just... the beginning sucks. 
> 
> ANYWAYS
> 
> I wanna thank the people who commented~ I was honestly so pleased by the reaction, and I'm hoping I won't drive you away with this chapter ^-^' *sweats*
> 
> Also, the chapter titles are probably gonna be lyrics, so the previous chapter's was Twenty One Pilots' "Fall Away" (which incidentally is the title of the fic :p), and this chapter is lyrics from The Beatles "Happiness is a Warm Gun" .

“Go on then, give us your fuckin’ excuse,” was growled into his ear, low and dangerous, “There _must_ have been a good reason for you to make the whole deal go tits up…”

 

The sarcasm was practically tangible.

 

Eggsy pushed against the body that was pressing him painfully into the wall as he tasted the metal tang of blood from his lip. Rotty shoved Eggsy back into the wall, if that was even possible with the non-existent space between the boy and the surface. Dean grabbed a handful of Eggsy’s short hair and bashed his head against the wall, pushing his face so close to the Eggsy’s the boy could smell the alcohol on his breath. “I said _speak.”_

“I’m not gonna fuck whoever gives you money, you prick. I’ll make your bleedin’ drops, but I ain’t whorin’ myself.” Eggsy snarled, his head pounding as he blinked stars from his vision.

 

“Hasn’t bothered you before,” Dean sneered, making Eggsy’s stomach turn over. “Keep in mind that you owe me for every day you spend in my house, _boy_.”

 

Eggsy gritted his teeth, but closed his eyes, biting his tongue until fresh blood attacked his taste buds. Dean took Eggsy’s silence as a victory, and stalked off to the kitchen, getting beer. Rotty stayed pressed up against Eggsy, and the boy could feel him press his nose into the hair behind his ear. “Watch yourself, Eggsy,” he heard murmured into his ear, and he barely suppressed the shiver down his spine, nausea hitting him like a brick wall. He recognized that tone all too well. “One of these days, I’ll get you alone, pressed up on the wall all pretty for me. You’ll forget about that nasty mark of yours real quick.”

 

With that, Rotty left him clinging to the wall for support, his stomach roiling. He clenched his hands into fists to stop the tremors going through them and pushed himself off the surface, trudging weakly to the bathroom to clean his lip. He passed his mother’s bedroom on the way, catching her eyes from where she sat on the bed. For a moment, he thought she would say something, but pushed the hope away when she looked away.

 

~o0o~

 

Eggsy exited Rotty’s car, pretending he didn’t feel the older boy’s eyes on him. The package he was to deliver weighing like a stone in his pocket, he made his way to the gritty club he was supposed to meet his client in, his eyes darting around nervously. He tried not to think about what he was walking into. Before this particular drop, Dean made sure he would understand the stakes, and what would happen if he… _failed_ to do his job. And let’s say that when his mother and Daisy are involved, Eggsy is quite compliant.

 

Taking a breath, he fixed a smirk that felt like plastic on his face. He held himself with confidence he didn’t feel, straightening his shoulders in a way he knew tightened his shirt over his chest.

 

Eggsy spotted his client in one of the private booths, sipping at a drink he couldn’t identify. The man was middle-aged, wearing some nice jeans, a clean-pressed button up shirt, a golden chain glinting the club lights off his neck. The man’s eyes sent icy shards spearing through Eggsy, making him hesitate for a moment; they were absolutely predatorily, but in the most terrifyingly cold way. This wouldn’t bode well for him, Eggsy was sure.

 

“Evenin’, sir,” he made himself purr as he slipped in the booth next to the man, who proceeded to rake his eyes over Eggsy. Either he liked something he saw, or he caught on to who Eggsy was, because he smirked easily and murmured, “Good evening.”

 

“You can call me Eggsy if you like,” Eggsy leaned closer to the man, letting his fingers brush over the man’s arm that was braced on the table, pushing his revulsion and panic back. He made himself fall into that dissociative state he’d trained himself to develop, expressly for these kinds of jobs. “Saw you sittin’ alone and thought I’d see if you needed company…”

 

The corners of the man’s lips quirked upwards in amusement, his eyes, trailing down Eggsy’s form once more. “Well, I’m glad you did, Eggsy. It so happens I need help.”

 

This confused Eggsy for a moment before he noticed the man glancing towards the bathroom before focusing on him again. Oh. Right. “Yeah? Well, I might just be able to help you with your problem,” he murmured dropping his hand to the man’s thigh. This was clearly the right answer because the man’s smile became darker and his approval was clear in his eyes.

 

Batting his eyes before getting out of the booth, walking to the loo, his hips swaying, assuming the man was following. He knew he was right when he got to the door and was pushing it open and felt a heavy hand on his hip. He flashed a smirk over his shoulder before going in and looking around quickly if there was anyone else. Unfortunately, they were alone. Eggsy swallowed his disappointment and smiled at the man as he turned to face his client, _god that sounded terrible,_ backing into the stall behind him. He backed up, the man pressed against his chest, until he felt the toilet bowl hit the back of his legs. He held his breath as the man locked the stall door, then widened his eyes in fear and surprise when he felt a wall suddenly at his back as he was turned and pinned there.

 

A small breath escaped him before his mouth was assaulted by the other’s, and he hated it, but he treaded his fingers through the man’s hair and pulled tight, kissing him back just as wildly. It was not a good kiss, all teeth and pain and disgust, but Eggsy couldn’t move, couldn’t even breathe.

 

This went on for a moment, the man’s hand reaching down for his ass as he rutted into his leg, Eggsy shuddering, made sure to make the appropriate sounds. He then felt a hand grab his shoulder and forced him down painfully onto his knees. At his eye level was the man’s other hand, unzipping his trousers quickly and efficiently, revealing the bulge in his pant. It was at moments like these that he had to fall deeper into his dissociation and just let go of everything.

 

When his mouth and throat were sore, but the man was finally finished with him, Eggsy stood up and wiped the tears from his face, forcing his smile to be sultry rather than watery. “Until next time, love,” he managed out in a fairly even voice. If it sounded scratchy, Eggsy didn’t acknowledge it. He took the small packet that had been the culprit of the whole situation and pushed it into the man’s pocket, winking once and making his way out. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and nearly chucked up his diner. His eyes were red, his lips horribly swollen, his hair thoroughly fucked. He looked away quickly before he lost the contents of his stomach. He forced himself to begin the whole process of storing that particular memory away behind the vault door in the back of his mind.

 

Eggsy made his way out of the club, wiping the back of his hand over his mouth a few times, hoping to erase any traces of what had happened he might have missed. It didn’t stop him from feeling dirty and cheap, but it would be one less thing for Rotty to see.

 

As he got in Rotty’s car, he closed his eyes and leaned his head on the window, not in the mood to even see the older boy’s face. Eggsy frowned faintly, noting that the car wasn’t starting, and started to worry until he felt the tell-tale purr start up. He let out a quiet breath and settled back more comfortably into his seat.

 

Whether they’d driven for a minute or an hour, Eggsy couldn’t be sure. He was feeling exhausted, and didn’t keep track of much that was happening the whole way. He was pushed out of his small nap when the car finally stopped and the engine was cut. He opened his bleary eyes and sighed softly, blinking at the lights that come from the windows from inside the house. He wanted to get inside, change into his oldest sweatpants and crash into his bed. Maybe hang out with Daisy for a few before hand.

 

He turned to open his door when he felt a hand clamp around his arm, making him snap his head around to look at the only other person in the car. Rotty’s face scared him. He’d gotten this… dark look in his eyes, much different than the one he got when he was angry. It was more wolfish. They were almost black; only a thin ring of murky brown could be seen around his pupil.

 

“D’you know what you look like, right now? When you walked out that club?” Eggsy could hear his heart beating in his ears, feeling fear and nausea pawing at him from the bottom of his stomach. “I’ll tell you what you look like: you look utterly _fuckable_.”

 

He felt himself slowly shaking his head, swallowing hard. “Just did me job, bruv. No need to get worked up about it. Let’s get inside, yeah?” He was impressed with his ability to keep his voice steady in that moment.

 

“No, Eggsy,” the words were all but growled out, the hand around his arm tightening, “I don’t think we’re going to do that just yet.” Eggsy felt himself being pulled forward, and then Rotty’s lips were on his, harsh and bruising. It was a cruel reminder of his earlier drop, Rotty’s technique differing only in experience. The man from earlier had clearly violated more people than Dean’s favorite minion did, not that it made things much better.

 

Eggsy whimper and pushed at Rotty, but the other had a bigger frame, and his hands were hardly in the right place to be able to deliver a good punch. Rotty reached around Eggsy, effectively pining him into his seat with his body, and pulled on something, making the said seat fly back, leaving Eggsy stuck lying down with the older boy on him.

 

He felt Rotty’s hands travel down to the zipper of Eggsy’s pants, quickly undoing them and pushing them down roughly, leaving scratch marks all over his legs. By this point, Eggsy could feel the dry sobs in his chest. “Please, Rotty, don’t do this… You can’t…” His pleas just kept coming, falling on deaf ears. Nails dug into his hips, hands bruising the skin under them. When his pants were coming off, Eggsy switched tactics and became loud, yelling at the top of his voice. A hand clamped down on his mouth, then struck his cheek hard. Tears stung his eyes, but he got the result he needed. Dean had opened the front door of the house and was shouting. Rotty snarled, glaring down at Eggsy with a sneer. “Don’t think this saves you. You’ll get what you deserve, you fuckin’ slag.”

 

Eggsy stayed put in the car for a few hours after Rotty left, his arms wrapped tightly around himself, unable to stop his shivering. When he finally moved, he got out of the car, fixing his pants and jeans, went inside and changed into the sweats he’d wished for a few hours earlier and curled up in bed, just wanting to sleep the whole day off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO THAT'S THAT. No worries though! Harry's comin' in next chapter, aaaand Eggsy gets his revenge :D
> 
> SO Y'ALL SHOULD KNOW I LOVE YOU AND I WILL SEE YOU NEXT TIME~


	3. Are you insane like me? Been in pain like me?

The next morning, Eggsy woke up with a sore throat, a stinging lip and a throbbing head. Groaning, he rolled out of bed and went to the mirror to check out if anything had worsened. He still had the cut on his lip, obviously, but there was a distinct purplish hue around it, which matched the wonderful dark bruise on his forehead from hitting the wall. Without the make-up he’d used to hide the injuries for Dean’s client the day before, the color was quite startling. Added to the fact that he’d been getting progressively paler the past few months. The were dark rings under his eyes, and he felt like he hadn’t slept at all. 

Dean’s fault. The voice in his head proclaimed, as if it hadn’t been obvious already, Gotta do something. Indeed, he did. He’d had enough. He needed to blow some steam off or something and get back at the man; not that he would… The hard look the tired and beat up man in the mirror gave him made him sigh, and he turned away, dialing up Jamal and Ryan to ask if they were good for the Black Prince in a bit. With that, he gets dressed, fixed up the bruise on his head a little, popped a few painkillers for his headache, and headed out with Dean’s money in his pocket.

There, Eggsy got his opening for revenge. 

He took it.

Getting back into Rotty’s car made his stomach twist, but it was worth the look on the arse’s face. And wrecking the car, intentional or not, was also quite satisfying. That did leave him in a spot of trouble though. As he sat in the police station, glaring at the detective questioning him with a resolutely shut mouth, he realized that he was leaving his mum and Daisy alone with Dean if he was put away. He was about to panic, when he remembered the one lesson Michelle had drilled into his head over the years. 

So, picking up the phone, he took out his father’s medal and dialed. 

Fat lot of good it was when all he got was a “Your complaint has been duly noted. We hope we have not lost you as a loyal customer” and a dead line.

Eggsy was sure he was done for, but he was then released not ten minutes later.

Walking out, totally confused, Eggsy went down the stairs when he heard a voice behind him.

“Would you like a lift home?” Eggsy turned around, and frowned. He’d seen the man before. He was the good looking older posh who bugged him the other day. 

“Who are you?” Eggsy demanded, alarms ringing in his head. Was the man following him? He steeled himself for the possibility, and the possible outcome of him running the hell away.

“The man who got you released,” the posh bastard actually raised an eyebrow.

Eggsy snorted and crossed his arms, eyeing the man warily. Was that supposed to make him trust the bloke? “That ain’t an answer.”

“A little gratitude would be nice,” noted the man, straightening up from the wall he’d been leaning on, “My name is Harry Hart, and I gave you that medal.”

Yeah, that was a bit of a shock. Eggsy remembered the man who gave him the medal, albeit the memory was a bit fuzzy.

It was an even bigger shock to see the bloke single-handedly take down Dean’s little posse. And if Eggsy got a little turn on by that, only his jacket had to know.

~o0o~

Training for Kingsman wasn’t much different than the Marines, except it was way cooler and they were training to be fuckin’ spies. 

While most of the other recruits were wankers, Roxy was pretty great, and she often help him when hiding the fading bruises on his body. She also helped him through withdrawal. Dean had apparently been dosing Eggsy over the years with regular amounts of coke for insurance. She stayed with him during the night, wiping his brow and getting him cold compresses and made sure he got the food and water needed.

To say he supplied enough material for rumors and dumb comments was an understatement.

Roxy never mentioned the circular scars with a few faded lines circling around them on his hip. The one time Charlie brought it up before bed, she made sure he felt it the next morning.

Roxy was good. 

~o0o~

Eggsy liked hand-to-hand. It relieved the tightness in his shoulders he didn’t know he had. Roxy was a great partner, and, if he was being honest, she made him a better fighter. When Eggsy got to the gym where they were scheduled for a few hours of sparring, he went in with a small bounce in his step. He was looking forward to get the feeling his latest nightmare had left him with. He quickly changed and made his way to where the group was assembling, and stood next to Roxy, murmuring “’Lo, luv” as he watched Merlin, getting him that grin he loved to pull from her.

“Right,” Merlin started, tapping his pen against his clipboard as he swept his gaze over them, “You’re going to be paired up with someone of my choosing today.” Eggsy frowned at that, but Roxy just smiled and shrugged at him.

Merlin went down a list, and Eggsy felt a pit form in his stomach when he heard, “Charlie, you’ll be with Eggsy.”

Of fucking course. 

Eggsy gave his most heartfelt glare to Merlin, only getting a raised eyebrow in response. It was like he was looking at Harry’s unimpressed face all over again. Damn those two arses and their fuckin’ eyebrows.

“Alright, there, Eggy?” Charlie smirked as they got into position and started with some basic drills to warm up. “Lookin’ a little beat…”

Eggsy rolled his eyes and snorted. “Really? That all you got, you prick? A little slow this morning, eh?”

Charlie sneered and increased his speed, Eggsy following him easily. “Ah, sorry, I was just wondering how long it’ll be until your sister gets matching colors.”

Eggsy faltered at that, fear spiking him, because how the fuck did Charlie know about Daisy, and he got a face full of pain. On his arse, Eggsy held a hand to his nose for a second, his eyes wide. Around him, some other pairs had stopped their sparring, and Merlin, on the other side of the room, barked out an order to Charlie. All Eggsy heard was white noise.

Eggsy launched himself at Charlie, knocking the smug look right off his face as he pinned the posh bastard to the ground, getting a few good punches in before he was pushed off. He sprang to his feet and immediately went into offense, never giving Charlie time to move away. He landed a kick to the other’s ribs, and the grin on his face came all too easily. Even when Charlie split his lip and probably bruised his ribs, Eggsy could help feeling good. The pain was such a good distraction, so familiar, and Eggsy had needed it. So much.

He finally stopped when Merlin held him down on the ground, yelling in his ear. Eggsy didn’t stop grinning though. He just lay there, staring at Charlie, who was held back by a few of his mates, with the most satisfied feeling.

It didn’t last long.

Sure, he still felt great for finally getting a few licks in on Charlie, but as he walked in the hallway, his breathing slowly speeding, he started to panic.

He really fucked up. Kingsman wouldn’t take him now, not when they knew. Not when they could see how fucked he was. 

“Fuck,” Eggsy gritted out, raking a hand through his hair, his breathing far too quick to keep walking. He stumbled to a wall and slid down until he was sitting, his head back, hand still gripping his hair. “Fuck, fuck, fuuuuck.”

He couldn’t go back. Especially not how he left. Dean would kill him, and his mother when she would try to stop him. 

He barely noticed the presence that sank down next to him, only felt the burn of hot tears in his eyes and wished he could go back in the gym and take a go at Charlie again to forget. Or maybe just get piss drunk; that always worked. 

“Quite a mess you made, dear boy,” a voice murmured next to him, and Eggsy could only choke out a laugh. “It’s alright, Eggsy. Even Merlin understands demons of the past.”

“I’m fucked, Harry,” Eggsy blinked to clear his vision and turn his head to look at the older man. 

Harry smiled gently and put a hand on Eggsy’s knee, “You’re far from it, Eggsy. Troubled? Yes. But it’s too soon to say that you’re fucked.”

If it was possible to love this man too much, Eggsy had reached that point, and then some.

Of course, then he had to get his damn beautiful self killed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay angst. Pretty sure that's all I've been put on this earth for... WELP, the lyrics from the title are from Gasoline by Halsey, whom I've recently kind of gotten into. 
> 
> Since I'm not a completely terrible person, here's a little sneak peek for next chapter:
> 
> "You're a fucking arsehole."
> 
> "So I've been told."


	4. Everybody Wants to Rule the World

Eggsy glared down the barrel of his gun. Never in is life had he been so enraged. And while Dean’s face made him angrier than anything, it was nothing compared to the feeling he had at the moment. 

“I’ll fuckin’ shoot ya, I swear,” he growled, cocking the rifle and squeezing…

Then promptly groaned in defeat and pursed his lips at the dog. “I can’t carry you!” Fucking Merlin and his fucking rules.

J.B. actually had the damn gall to stare up at him with his bloody adorable eyes. Bullocks.

~o0o~

“Right, you will be learning about the different specializations, and having a go at each so we can get you started with your personal training sessions,” Merlin’s gaze swept over the group, stopping to give Eggsy his daily exasperated glare. The young man had his pup in his jacket, the little dog’s head only just popping out of his master’s collar. Eggsy had that stupid grin on his face again. 

_It ain’t cheatin’ cos I ain’t actually holdin’ him._

Merlin was sure he’d have to kick his arse one day. For his own sanity.

~o0o~

Roxy got sharpshooting. She had excellent control over… everything. Eggsy was proud of her, and even a little smug when he learned that Charlie had wanted her spot. Too bad.

Charlie was put into explosives, with a few of his lackeys (those that were left), and Eggsy tried not to laugh too hard when Bors, who was just ever so slightly off the deep end, turned out to be their mentor.

“Ready to make some shit blow up, children?” He was charming, in his own manic-grinned way.

When it came to Eggsy, Merlin took him aside himself. “We’ve noticed you have a certain skill, Eggsy…” 

Well, that wasn’t cryptic at all.

“Is that so, sir?” He grinned, but faltered slightly when he saw that Merlin didn’t have that very, very subtle glint in his eye that meant he was amused. He looked like he was hesitating. Merlin never hesitated. 

“Most Kingsman agents have to have a certain amount of ability to… compartmentalize. But you seem to be quite good at that.”

Oh.

“You see,” Merlin seemed to be watching Eggsy carefully, now that the younger man had stopped smiling, “We all go through training for torture. How to deal it out properly… and how to withstand it.”

Eggsy pursed his lips and frowned, looking at Merlin’s shoulder. “What does this have to do with me, Merlin? If you’re worried I can’t go through that training, I can.”

Merlin nodded slowly. “I didn’t doubt it. I’ve spoken to Harry about your specializations… We had a bit of a plan for you already. I want you to specialize in torture, not just have the basic training for it. I think you could excel in that field.”

Eggsy blinked.

“You want to torture me.”

“No!” Merlin’s eyes widened, and Eggsy could swear that that was the most emotion he’s seen on the man’s face before,” No, Eggsy, it’s not that we want to torture yo-“

“I mean, you wanna see how much I can take, yeah?”

“I- well, that is a part of the training, yes…” Merlin frowned, “There have only been a few trained in this field, as not many have the capacity to go through the whole training. Those specialized in torture are often the ones sent in to extract information, by being captured, and, often times, tortured by their own targets. These agents are also the ones we send in to get information through… more violent ways than we usually use.” When Eggsy’s expression didn’t change from the blank stare he had, Merlin went on slowly, “These agents are also some of our most valuable.”

“A’right.”

“What?”

Eggsy tilted his head to one side, patting J.B. when the pup licked his chin. “I said ‘a’right’. You an’ Harry want me to do the torture thing, I do the torture thing.”

“Don’t you want to think this over? You have time…” Merlin didn’t want Eggsy to rush into this. As much as a specialist in that field would be nice (they hadn’t had one in a few decades), he wasn’t about to push a kid into a block of training that would break him down to build him up again unless he was truly ready. He knew only bits and pieces of what Eggsy had gone through…

_“The stepfather, Dean, he was abusive, from what I heard on the transmitter,” Harry wiped his glasses before putting them back on. He and Merlin were sitting in Harry’s office. “To what extent, I’m not sure.”_

_“I noticed a few scars and bruises on the boy, and I’m sure he didn’t get those messing around with his friends.” Merlin shook his head and sighed, “There’s a hint of a Mark on him, but I can’t be sure. Looks like it scarred over, or it’s been burned off.”_

_“Do you think him finding his match will be a problem?” Kingsmen didn’t really hire people who had a Mark, simply because it posed a possible complication for a future mission._

_“If it truly is a Mark, I think he’s given up on it, honestly.”_

_“You believe they might be self-inflicted, those burns?”_

_“I don’t know what to think. If they are burns, and if it is to cover a Mark, I’m not sure what would be worse: that Eggsy did it to himself, or that someone else did it to him.”_

“No, it’s good. When do I start?” If Merlin could frown anymore, he would. 

“In a few days. You’ll have to keep this to yourself, Eggsy. Tell Roxy if you must, but don’t spread it around. It might attract the wrong attention from your classmates.” Merlin knew Charlie liked to take facts about Eggsy’s life and use it against him. While the older man had kept his distance for now, he wasn’t sure how Charlie would react to Eggsy’s specialization. He didn’t need Eggsy jumping the other young man, though…

“Gotcha, boss,” Eggsy did a little salute and jogged off to join the group that was reforming, leaving Merlin to watch him go with a worried frown. He was going to get lots of new wrinkles because of that kid, god help him.

~o0o~

“Hold on, what?”

“I said,” Eggsy managed around a bite of sandwich, “I’m gonna learn ‘ow to ‘urt people.”

Roxy stared at him with wide eyes. “They’re putting you in the torture specialization?” 

“Yeah,” he shrugged and kept on eating, looking a lot like J.B. when the puppy just fell face first in his food to eat, “Merlin said I ‘seem to be particularly good at compartmentalizing’.” He grinned when he managed to get Merlin’s accent down pretty well.

Roxy wasn’t impressed.

“Eggsy, do you really think that’s a good idea…?” The sight of Eggsy’s marred skin when they’d first started Kingsman would never leave her mind. She didn’t like seeing him hurt.

“Sure, Rox. I’m good at pain.” Roxy winced at Eggsy’s light tone, and he finally put his sandwich down, running a hand through his hair, “Sorry. Look, Harry and Merlin think I could be good at this. Merlin said agents that do this are invaluable and all that. If that how I can be useful, then I will.”

Roxy knew very well that Eggsy could take an incredible amount of pain. And she knew that her friend would probably kill it in this field. But the look Eggsy got when Charlie had struck him on the mats… it scared her.

“Promise me you’ll be okay.” She was being childish now, she knew. They were going to be spies (or at least, one of them would) and it was a highly dangerous job, with a near guaranteed gruesome fatality at the end. Roxy didn’t happen to care about all that at the moment. 

Eggsy turned to look at her, that damn smile of his on his face. He pulled her into a hug, and while she wasn’t one for showing affection, she gripped onto his shoulders tightly, as if she could pull him away from the shit he was about to face. “Don’t worry ‘bout me, luv. We still got Charlie’s arse to kick.”

Of course, of course, he’d make her laugh now. Arsehole.

~o0o~

“Who do you work for?”

Eggsy gasped for breath, his whole body screaming. He counted at least three cracked ribs, a concussion, and multiple contusions. Cuts here and there. Maybe even internal bleeding. Doubtful, or he’d be in much worse shape.

Spitting out a gob of blood and spit, he raised his head up and grinned, “Well, see, funny thing, your mum told me she’d give me anything I wanted if I-“

His head whipped back as a boot connected with his jaw. He was pretty sure he’d heard a crack but he couldn’t be sure.

“Alright, we’re good for today. Get a gurney. Eggsy, taunting isn’t necessary, if anything, it’ll make situations worse.”

“God forbid,” he muttered as he felt hands untie his wrists and ankles from the chair he’d been sitting in for a few hours. He couldn’t be sure how long exactly.

He heard Merlin’s sigh of exasperation, but he barely registered it because he was being moved, and if he thought he was hurting before…

“Fucking Christ,” Eggsy gritted, his fingers tightening into the material of whoever was helping him up’s shirt, “Oi, tell your buddy that the knees are-shit- the knees are a low blow.”

He was panting heavily by the time he collapsed on the gurney, Merlin standing over him with a frown. “Your assailants won’t care much for what is and isn’t a low blow, Eggsy.”

Eggsy just grunted in reply, shifting so he was better positioned on the bed before being wheeled away. “I want J.B. this time, Merlin! In my room with me!” It was a miracle Eggsy could suck in enough air to yell like that.

The wizard rolled his eyes and shook his head, turning to one of the medics getting ready to jog off with Eggsy, “Make sure the boy has his dog, lad.”

“Sir, the pug isn’t sanita- “

“Get it done.” Damn kid and his damn puppy.

~o0o~

Eggsy heard a knock at the door, and a few seconds later he saw Harry in the doorway. The man had that easy grace and confidence that oozed out of him as always, pulled at Eggsy as always.

“ ‘Lo Harry,” he whispered, unable to raise his voice anymore than that. This round of torture training had left him with a bruised larynx, something the young man didn’t know could happen. He guessed that that was what happened when you screamed yourself much past than just hoarse. These sessions were getting increasingly worse, but Merlin kept assuring him that anytime he wanted to stop, he just needed to say the word. Apparently he was almost done this module. Merlin didn’t seem to know whether to settle on convincing Eggsy to back down, or to encourage him to get through it, so he just alternated between the two. 

“Eggsy Unwin,” Harry sighed as he made his way over to the visitor’s chair and sat, looking more gorgeous than anyone had a right to be, “You seem intent on ending your life early, dear boy.”

“Nah,” Eggsy grinned, ignoring the sting of his split lip, scratching the snoring J.B. at his side behind the ears, “Just intent on becoming the most badass spy you’s ever seen.” Just intent on impressing you.

Harry eyed him with an inscrutable expression. “You don’t have to do this, you know that, Eggsy? There are many other important specialties that are needed here. You don’t have to do this to be needed.”

For a second, Eggsy was sure that Roxy had been talking to Harry. He knew that he’d told Roxy about his deeper thoughts and fears, whether it was in a haze of sleep or while he was detoxing and begging her to promise him he wouldn’t have to go home. That he had to be here, needed to stay.

But Harry had a way with words, and a way of extracting confessions and secrets without actually asking for them. He was fishing. Eggsy wouldn’t bite.

“I know that, I’m already on of the top cadets here,” Eggsy made himself grin lazily, ignoring how familiar the fake smile felt, "Well, maybe not, cos of Rox, but you get it.” He ended his sentence short with a wracking cough and a grimace, his hand tight on his throat.

Harry was already holding the cup of cool water that had been on Eggsy’s side table, pressing a button on the side of his bed to raise the younger man up. Eggsy accepted the cup gratefully and sighed once he’d taken a few small sips. 

“I wish you’d finish your training already. It’s a bit of a strain on the nerves seeing you in here every week,” Harry murmured with one of his small smiles. It didn’t reach his eyes.

“Ah, don’t go soft on me, Haz,” Eggsy, hummed softly, trying not to go mushy himself. Harry was worried about him. About him. 

Harry chuckled and threaded his fingers together. “I suppose you’re right. I shouldn’t even be here, showing any kind of support. Favoritism and all that.” He waved a dismissive hand and rolled his eyes. Eggsy loved when Harry dismissed Arthur’s rules. 

“Can’t wait to go on mission with ya,” Eggsy looked down at J.B., who was stirring a bit, sticking his little pink tongue out in a “blep” expression, “’s gonna be a blast.”

“It will only be a blast if Bors is there. Otherwise, you’ll find your first mission quite uneventful.” Harry’s smile had widened now; it wasn’t so reserved. Good. “It will mostly be a standard extraction of intel.”

“But it’ll be with ya, won' it?” Eggsy didn’t care what they did, as long it was just them.

“Yes. Every mentor takes their proposed out on their first mission.”

“Then it’ll be great, yeah?”

Harry pursed his lips to keep himself from smiling anymore, even if it was only in exasperation. “I suppose so.”

They were interrupted by another knock at the door. Roxy pocked her head in, and when she saw Harry she stood straight. “Agent Galahad, I’m so sorry for the intrusion- “

“Not at all, Miss Morton. Come in. I was just leaving.” Harry stood up and fixed his jacket. Why did the man look so good in suits? Why was he leaving? Damn it, Roxy…

Roxy waited until the older agent had left before making her way to Eggsy’s side, sitting on the edge of his bed and looking everywhere but his face. Eggsy poked her thigh.

“Oi, my eyes are up here, luv,” he whispered in as much of a teasing tone as he could manage. He frowned when he saw her wince. “Hey, what’s up?”

“What’s up?” Roxy looked up sharply, her gaze suddenly very hard, and very scary, “What’s up, Eggsy, is that you’re volunteering for abuse, spending days getting hurt, then spending the rest of your time here. What’s up is that I saw you when you first got here. I know what you went through, you told me about that arsehole of a stepfather and all the shit you had to endure. And yet, here you are, jumping back into it willingly. How am I supposed to go along with your jokes when that’s what’s up?”

Eggsy watched her, entirely quiet for once in his life. Roxy never blew up like this, she never really yelled at him either. He only now noticed that her lower lip was trembling slightly, and her eyes looked a bit glossy. 

“Damn, Rox,” Eggsy breathed, then straightened up with a soft grunt, pushing away all thoughts of pain. He heard her start to protest, but he already had his arms around her. “I’m good at this. I like doing this. It sucks, but I’m the best at dealing with shit that sucks. If I can use my past for something good, then what other choice have I got?”

“You could train with me. You’re an excellent shot.”

“You know I ain’t your level of good, Rox. Besides, hanging outside of the fight ain’t my style. I need to be in the middle of it.” Eggsy pulled back to look at Roxy with a smile, even as she glared at him. He took her silence as an admission.

“Now that we’ve settled that, would you mind calling a nurse in?” Eggsy winced as he slowly sank back into his bed, clutching his side.

“What, why?” Roxy frowned and looked down at where Eggsy’s hand was, noticing red slowly seeping out from under it.

“I think I opened my stitches… again.”

“You idiot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been a while... I'm so sorry ^^' Pretty much all I can say, other than that it was because I got a new computer when my old one just killed itself? SO I lost pretty much all of my work and progress. Also my muse for this.
> 
> But heyyy, I'm baaaack~
> 
> The title of the chapter comes from Tears For Fears' "Everybody Wants To Rule The World". 
> 
> Also, as a side note, I know I put in a chapter teaser last time, but since I lost everything since then and had to rewrite it all, I don't really remember where that was? And I kind of found a different/better way of writing each chapter so~ Apologies <3


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